Homeschooling: The Why

Disclaimer: For the record, homeschooling is never the best possible solution for every family nor for every child. There are some amazing public and parochial schools out there and I applaud the parents and teachers who make these schools so. Unfortunately, not everyone has access to such schools or circumstances make sending their children there a hardship for one reason or another. Homeschooling is often an option many families turn to only after they have exhausted all other means but there are many many families who choose homeschooling for other reasons. I don't pretend to know the struggles of any given family. Each family and indeed each child has unique needs that may be better addressed in any one of many environments. 




Homeschooling is a big part of the life we live and is intimately related to the choices DH and I make as parents. As such, it's been a beautiful part of our lives and, as with adoption, one that I love to share.


A little background first...


Both DH and I are the product of a homeschool education. He was HS'ed from K-12 and I was HS'ed from 8-12 after spending my K-7 years in public school. For DH's family, the decision to HS was as natural as breathing: his parents were drawn to it because they researched it and agreed with certain revolutionary educational philosophies at the time that suggested children flourish best in the home school environment. My parents however, turned to HS'ing not for any such lofty ideals but rather in desperation when our local school district started mandating sex education (something they vehemently opposed) in health class. They were shouted out of the PTA meeting they attended to object. The very next day my siblings and I were yanked out of the school system and started learning at home using a distance education program.  


I enjoyed being close to my mom during those teenage years. I reveled in the amount of time and freedom I suddenly had on my hands, but it was also a time of steep challenge too as I learned to figure things out on my own, no longer having the benefit of simply raising a hand to have a teacher answer a question.  But it was a fulfilling time and prepared me well for my college years and what nursing school would soon bring.


So once our oldest child reached Kindergarten-age, the decision to homeschool him was not all that newsworthy but neither was it a entirely academic. Since we live in the DC metro area, the option of public schooling was not really an option for various reasons. (I'm not knocking any parents' decision to choose public school--it just wasn't right for us or our children.) We researched the option of Catholic schools in our area but honestly? $5,000 a year for Kindergarten tuition? To learn how to cut and paste and count numbers and learn letter sounds?  Heck, *I* could do that and spend that money on another sibling a host of other things. So we decided to give HS'ing a try.  And haven't looked back. More on how we homeschool later...


But the real decision that we decided to homeschool was rooted in something that went beyond tuition fees or record of academic excellence.


You see, I spent 5 years trying to become a parent. My kids are my favorite people in the whole wide world and I'm sort of partial to their company (however much I may try to escape the noise and chaos!) I have absolutely loved being home with them full time, spending my day observing how they learn that a ball bounces, how color and shape patterns exist all around us, watching the moment they discover that sunshine feels warm on their face and makes their eyes squeeze shut or how bubbles will float for a time in the air before bursting on the ground. In short, I was discovering the world again through my children's eyes.


So the very last thing I wanted was to be separated from my favorite 5yr old for 6+ hours a day. What might he learn there that I won't be part of? In what context would he be learning it? What ideas will he take from it? Will he remember to tell me everything about it? Did I want to miss out on these little moments of discovery? And...did I really want to relinquish the control over the content to which he is exposed?


(Yes, I'm picky in that regard.  But that's my prerogative as a mother!)


But there was also the issue of attachment.  My oldest has always been incredibly shy and a bit emotionally volatile. Since bringing him home from Guatemala at 12mos of age, I made it my primary goal to make sure he knew I was never going to leave him...that he could trust me...that I was his home-base. Leaving him with a babysitter was always painful for both of us, but how was I going to ask him to leave my side every single morning to walk into a strange building filled with strange faces. "He'll get over it soon enough!" I was advised. And in truth, he probably would have. Eventually. But something in my heart just recoiled at the thought of entrusting my precious, long-sought-after son to another adult - another woman - for 30+ hours a week.


So for us, the decision to homeschool has boiled down to one thing: My husband and I know our children, their needs, their fears, their weaknesses and their special talents better than anyone else on the planet.  I happen to think that that makes us the most qualified of teachers for our children. My husband and I are uniquely equipped as their primary educators to teach our children because we are their parents. We don't need better credentials than that. 


NB: Now, mind you - being the primary educator does not mean that we are the *only* qualified teachers that exist.  But rather we are the ones with the grace to advocate the most strongly for these particular children we've been blessed with - and that means getting them help outside the home should they ever need it. Are we clear on that? Good.


The fact is, I really enjoy working with my kids. I love the fact that I am the one who has taught at least one child (so far) to read and make sense of numbers. I absolutely thrill at reading a book aloud to them and having them interrupt with a, "Mom! I think I know what's going to happen next!" I love that our day, our routine, our life is one of complete integration. Homeschooling is really just an extension of parenting for us. It's not easy, but it's as natural as it is to pick up and soothe a crying baby. We are not slaves to any curriculum or daily lesson plan, but I draw from their interests in determining what to study from year to year. When they study something that really interests them, they tend to really be interested in what they study. As their mom, I know what interests my boys so knowing what to study is easy. It's not all sunshine and lollipops, but it is a lot of fun! But more on that later...


I may not have all the academic credentials that qualifies me to teach a classroom full of children. I may not have taken a math course higher than Algebra 1. I may be just about the poorest excuse, academically speaking, for a teacher there is - but I am not aiming for academic excellence (not that homeschooling and academic excellence are mutually exclusive--more on that later...) but to get them to Heaven. For this family and in our current situation, homeschooling augments that effort. 


Will it always be so? I don't know. I reserve the right to change my mind as the years go on.  :) But I while my kids are small, we're doing all we can to hold them close. Homeschooling fosters a special closeness with my children...one in which I greatly revel.