4 years ago today...

We received this picture in an email:

He was 2000 miles away in Guat.emala City, 6weeks old and utterly healthy but according to our agency, had just been turned down by another family. Did we want him?

Umm...yeah.

DS and I went out to the store to buy an "It's a boy!" balloon and surprised Mr. Mike with the news when we got home from work that night.

November 3, 2005

How I managed to keep the news from Mr. Mike for 3 hours, I don't know. But I'll never forget that look on his face when he came through the door, totally confused and asked DS if I had found him some clearance balloons on sale somewhere.

And then it hit him. :)

Five days later, we would board a plane to fly down to meet him and sign the power-of-attorney to get the process started (and effectively shaving 3-4 weeks off the process).

Jet-lagged and running on nothing but adrenaline, we would find ourselves waiting in a small, sterile room in an attorney's office within hours of arriving at the Guat.emala City Airport. They brought him into the room and our lives have never been the same...

November 8, 2005

First moment with Dad

Meeting and holding our son (even if he wasn't even close to being legally ours yet) was magical but fleeting experience. The visit would only last 48 hours but during that time...

We got to smell that beautiful infant smell.
We got to swaddle him.
We got to feed him.
We got to walk the floors with him at 1am, 2am, 3am, and 4am.
We got to gaze upon him in all his newborn glory.
We got to experience life with an infant...our infant...for just 48 short hours.

We signed the necessary documents we came to sign and with tears in our eyes, gave him back to the attorney two days later. My heart was ripped out--once again--at leaving a child behind. Twice before, we had to do the same with his older brother. There was nothing more we could do but wait and pray for the paperwork to get filed with all the various public ministries in a timely fashion. This was a time for being schooled in all the virtues. It was a time pregnant (forgive the term) with opportunity for spiritual growth. It was during that time we had no other choice but to practice the virtues of humility, hope, faith, trustful surrender, perseverance, and love.

That pain of being separated from our new son(s) is the most difficult thing I've ever experienced...and each time, I'd swear that I would never...could never...have the strength to do it again. And yet how could I regret it?

It would be 5 more months before we'd see him again and could bring him home to the US. By that time, he would lose that baby smell and would gain 10 more pounds. But I have these pictures and those memories which I hold dear. That pain of that separation was so worth those 48 precious hours we got to know him during his first weeks of life.

We lost so much of those early weeks and months with him and will never get that time back. But today, I have the most sweet-tempered little lovey who still climbs in bed with us at 3am.