The details

It's been 2 weeks since we announced that we are in fact adopting from China--and indeed that we've been at this for quite some time. We've not been intentionally quiet or neglectful about the details many have asked about. We genuinely have a gag order from China not to disclose identifying information or pictures until we cross a certain milestone in the adoption process--which God-willing will be very soon. There is much I want to share about the 'who' we are adopting but for now, I wanted to take a moment to explain the 'why' and 'how-come-you-didn't-say-anything-about-it'.

Adopting from China has long been on our hearts. Indeed we've been praying about since around the time we brought the boys home from Guatemala. Something about all those babies stuck in orphanages in a country with a one-child policy...I knew someday we would go there. But the daunting process, the considerably length of stay in country--especially since we have little ones still-- the long flights, the costs, the scariness of adopting from a Communist country, the nebulous idea of special needs adoption...it all just seemed too far out of reach. 

And yet God has a way of stepping in and simplifying the impossible.

Can I get an Amen?

We had a growing stack of info packets from various Chinese adoption agencies sitting around since before Baby Girl was born. BG's arrival in 2010 seemed to only have delayed the decision a bit. Before she was even 18 months old we decided to revisit the option once again and started interviewing agencies. But the 'impossibilities' just kept plaguing us. Logistically, it would be a nightmare to leave our kids behind while we traveled to the other side of the globe. Likewise, it would be a nightmare to bring them. And how could we possibly manage bringing home a child from institutionalized care, likely with significant (behavioral, emotional, developmental, medical) needs? Surely we were (are?) ill-equipped and unqualified. But like so much in life, we kept reminding ourselves:

God does not call the qualified--He qualifies the called. 

The desire could not be erased from our hearts. Our children longed for another sibling. Our table was still missing someone. More than a year went by of serious praying and discussing whether this was something we really could/should do.  Then one day in prayer, I happened upon this verse which would replay itself in our minds:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and rely not on your own understanding;
In all ways submit to Him 
and He will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

It was clear that we could ignore the call no longer. It was now or never. Either we were going to pull the trigger or not. Time was ticking and we weren't getting any younger. In January 2013, we made that leap and signed the application with Chinese Children Adoption International. We told close friends and family but I think we were still in disbelief even as we gathered documents for our home study and dossier. I was certain we would hit a road block somewhere. We opted not to make a public announcement until we had a face to 'make it real'. 

July 2013: The completed dossier (aka "ultrasound") sans Immigration Approval

Now this was not our first rodeo in assembling a dossier for an international adoption but this time the paperwork through us for a loop. It just took f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to the get the necessary documents, seals, approvals, doctor's appointments, authentications, etc. We are fortunate to live so close to DC and the Chinese Consulate there so we could expedite the documents from the US State Dept and Chinese Embassy but it still took many months longer than we were expecting. We were at peace with it all though. There was no rat-race this time as there was with the last 3 adoptions. Things just seemed to happen at their own pace and we didn't stress about the length of time it was taking. 

We knew we would be paper-ready when the right child was ready for us.

US Immigration notice - that blessed final step in US paperwork

Finally, on Thanksgiving weekend, we received word that our dossier was in the hands of the CCCWA (Chinese Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption). We were now on the waiting list to receive a referral. We were given an estimated wait time of ~6-8 months before we'd be contacted about a referral of a child

We were pretty open to lots of different special needs but had some frequent discussions with our boys about what they thought they could handle. I won't go into details but suffice it to say that my boys are remarkable. They have such a beautiful, simple and broad capacity to love. There were some conditions that clearly scared them and about which they expressed concern--and we took note of this--but they were largely open to the idea of a sibling with a disfigurement and/or disability. My heart swelled as I would hear them talk about how they would help protect him/her from bullies. 

As I mentioned, we thought would be waiting until mid-summer before we would receive a referral. So we settled in for a good long wait. Without any paperwork to complete, the process became all that much more remote for us. The concept of going to China to find our next child was still that distant dream. For good or for bad, life with a husband and three kids and managing their education and the home was keeping my mind occupied elsewhere. Not gonna lie...this was an unexpected but welcome change from the anxious tire-spinning we experienced with the last three adoptions. I even remarked to my husband a couple of weeks ago that I have to remind myself that life really is about to change. That we really were doing this thing.


Then then suddenly, 14 long months after beginning the process, it all just got real. 


After just a 3 month wait, the phone rang on the evening of 2/26. We had dinner guests that night but my husband had just left to take our oldest to a Boy Scout meeting. My second son and I were playing a rousing game of Sorry! with our dinner guests when I got up to check the caller ID: incoming call from CCAI.

What the...?  

At 8pm at night? 

It can't be...

It was. 

I played it cool and told our dinner guests to keep playing without me and I took the call upstairs. 

The voice on the line told me, "We were not expecting to be able to give you a referral so soon but we have a file for a little girl that we think would be a great match for your family."

I listened as he gave me what little information he had. It was brief and heart-wrenching. A 15mos old baby girl. She had been found abandoned as a newborn and was very ill when she was brought to the orphanage. She spent a full month in the hospital receiving treatment which has left her with a large scar.

That scar is her special need.

I hung up the phone. My husband was out and I still had dinner guests downstairs. But I wasn't about to tell anyone but my husband first. So I took a moment to collect myself and walked downstairs to finish the game. I kept it casual, not letting on that there was anything going on--but I was stifling the desire to scream and dance. Our guests left an hour later and my husband and son got home shortly after that. We put the kids to bed, got a glass of wine and together sat down on the couch to open the email from our agency containing the medical files and pictures.

We just stared. Disbelieving. Here she was--our first glimpse at our daughter from across the globe. She was more beautiful than I ever imagined. Fourteen months of "adoption TTC" all came down to this moment when she was born into our hearts. We gave ourselves a few moments to read the files and let it soak in but couldn't wait any longer to tell the kids. They were still thumping around upstairs at 9:30pm so we called them downstairs. We told them the news and showed them the pictures, including a close-up of her scar (which I thought might scare them but did not). They were ecstatic but it was our oldest who is 11 who took that extra moment to process it and then said, "Wait...so she's perfect?!" 

Perfect indeed. 

Perfect for our family. 

Perfect and cherished child of God whose life was created for a purpose. 

More to come when I can share it...