I make this novena every year. Every year, for the last 10 years, I think it will be "the" year. But this year, I've felt drawn to accepting this cross rather than futilely asking (again) to be relieved of it. I need to become reconciled with and peaceful about what is clearly not the will of God. So my intention for which I am begging St. Therese's intercession is, for once, not for that...but rather to bring all of...well, this...to a resolution.
Last night I attended a bible study and had the opportunity for confession afterward. I confessed the usual...resentment, jealousy, anger, etc. This priest knows me, my history and how deeply this affects me. He anointed me before I flew out to Omaha a year ago and has been a champion of hope for us. After I confessed last night, he was silent for a few moments and then, as though St. Therese (or the Holy spirit...or both?) was speaking into his ear, he told me flat out,
It's time to stop fighting and resisting God in this. He could heal you in a nanosecond if He wishes to, but He obviously is not done working on you yet.
It's time to stop resisting Him and complicating His plan. It's time to fully embrace this. In the mean time, stop squandering the joy you have been given.
Five years ago, I would have walked out bawling my eyes out at his harshness. But I believe my heart has been getting prepared these past few months to hear these words. I thanked him profusely and walked out of the confessional with a smile on my face. I passed a statue of St. Therese and I'd swear I saw her wink at me.
This morning, I am recalling the words
Don't squander the joy.There will very likely be some changes coming to this blog as I sort this all out.
8 comments:
Amen! Amen! Amen!
That kind of coincides with an email I almost wrote you this morning before I read this post....
I might just email it today!
:)
Beautiful! I just got back from adoration and felt that He was calling me back to confession soon...
Beautiful post. I think all IFers have problems not "squandering the joy".
It is amazing how the Holy Spirit puts the right words in the mouths of our confessors. I will pray for you that you will be accepting of whatever God's plan is. It can be so hard to give up control and to really surrender to His will. Something I am struggling with. I'll be looking forward to hearing your further reflections!
I stumbled on your blog today from Kristen's blog. I "know" you from the NFP board and have long prayed for you in your adoption and infertility journeys.
How well I remember the pain of baby showers; I also remember the pain I have felt -- in the midst of great joy -- each time my sisters told me of a new baby on the way (19 nieces and nephews at last count). I also know how much better things were for me when I finally, really surrendered to His will. The pain is still there, but somehow much more bearable.
You and your family are often in my prayers.
Therese (Martha Long)
Great post! So glad that you were given these consolations. I pray that God continues to shine His light on you.
I have had the same type of special connection with St. Therese. Ever since I was a child, EVERY SINGLE PRAYER from her has been answered with a special sign in the form of a flower (usually rose, but sometimes other types). OBVIOUS signs, not just flowers growing in someone's garden on a spring day, kwim? (I'm sure you do.)
So my lack of an obvious sign this time around is really throwing me for a loop!
Wow. What great advice coming from the Holy Spirit, I'm sure (or St. Therese! Probably both!) I needed to hear that too!
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